Epiphany

Difficult to be witty or funny or touching today as I have lost my positivity pants. They are probably hiding out with my mojo because that has disappeared too. Even being told I looked like a Greek goddess today didn't cheer me up. It just made me cry. In the High Street. Because no matter what I look like on the outside, it would seem I am just rotten on the inside. The Bear told me today that he is a wreck and that my contribution to the past 15 years is "nothing to be proud of."

I am certainly not proud. To realise I am responsible for causing someone else such unhappiness is almost more than I can cope with. I want to curl up and die with shame and regret. I cringe and hurt and cry so very hard to think of all the pain and distress I have caused him. All the more so because I did so without realising. All the more so because he gave me no chance to make amends.

But there is one little shard of hope glinting in the distance, the hope that the day will come when I can forgive myself. The Bear is yet to have his realisation. And when his epiphany comes, I will forgive him too.

Yours in hope and fear, AJ x