I detect some forward motion folks. Some progress. It makes me feel a little queasy, a little uncomfortable, a little scared and a little sad. And a tiny bit braver. (But don't hold me to that last one, it might not last). However, (clears throat nervously) I think, just maybe, I have come over all Rose DeWitt and found the courage to release my grip, to let my icy Jack Dawson (definitely feeling queasy about this) slip quietly into the depths that are my past.
Unless you have done the same you have no idea how hard it is to let go. And how hard it is to admit it. I couldn't labour the point enough to explain it, so I wont even try. But through the astounding love, friendship and support provided by family and friends new and friends old, I have finally found the courage to let go. Now I feel really sick. Strange as that may seem.
I am a little fearful in the knowledge that there may still be times ahead when I look back to the descending past, but it is of no matter. As my hands are now free, my heart can now follow. Both sensing the freedom to receive, to embrace the future, to nurture my dreams and to feel the shivers of warmth I so bitterly miss.
There is another hand to hold out there. And with luck another heart. Sensing that is a step in the right direction. I'm going that way.
Yours in hope and fear, AJ x
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