Talking Shop

Sit down people. Prepare yourself. Today I felt ... wait for it ... happy. Aitch, ay, pee, pee, why. Happy. Those of you who have popped by for today's woeful installment may be somewhat disappointed at the lack of woe. Don't worry. Pop back later and I am sure normal service will resume. It's probably just over exertion yesterday that's put me out of sorts. (Over exerted crying mainly. Crying by the fish counter at Makro, crying in the olive oil aisle at Makro, crying on the way home from Makro, you get the idea.) I am sure the fluids just need replenishing.

Dehydrated tear ducts aside, today was as close to wonderful as any day I can remember in recent months. For the first time in ages I felt like me. And I smiled. And I laughed. Because today I decided to implement my just say yes plan more fully. Yes this is happening to me. Yes I have to deal with it. And yes I can. Big fat yesses all round today. (With one exception. But that was just cheeky and I didn't understand the question anyway).

This morning I received a message from New Male Friend claiming he had discovered an unclaimed cup of tea in IKEA. This sounded like an invitation. Usual thought process would be, 'Oh. An invitation. There must be a reason I can't go. Don't feel too good, better stay at home. Safer. Then I can't say or do the wrong thing. Can't upset anyone. Besides, IKEA is miles away (about half of one actually) I might get lost, or panic. or something else awful. So no. I won't go.'

Only today, I had a Nike moment and thought, just do it. So I replied with a message saying, "I'll be there at 1pm." Next moment, non-Nike, I thought "WHAAAAAT did I just say. OMG I have agreed to go and meet a stranger in a big shop that I don't know how to get into without a car. Fuck. Fortunately next moment was another Nike one and I was out of the door, walking in the sunshine and heading out on what felt to me like an awfully big adventure.

A short time later there were two people sitting in the Swedish meatball joint, eating Princess cake and jelly and having a nice time and a lot of laughs (and on one or two occasions trying not to cry in public). There was no big pointy arrow above our heads declaring our unfitness to be loved, no judge or jury casting opinions on our emotional integrity and certainly no other bugger loitering around and making us feel shit. Just two people sharing experiences that they wished they never had to experience. Which oddly, is a very nice experience.

So thank you New Male Friend. It's good to talk. As I think I may have mentioned before.

Yours in hope and happiness, AJ x