Nipping the Wuther

OK. It's time to come clean. Having contemplated the issue for a few days now I have decided to spill the beans. Or rather, New Male Friend has decided I should spill them to prevent my moral dilemma developing into a full blown wuther. New Male Friend seems to have made a hobby out of stopping wuthers in their tracks and whilst I will put up a damn good defence for wuthers of a windswept moor standard he generally makes a good call by nipping them in the bud (or whatever you have to nip in a wuther to stop it).

It went a bit like this

Me: (back of right palm resting weakly on brow a la wuther) Should I spill all my beans in my blog? Or not? What if ... this. What if ... that. What if ... *sigh* ... the other. What if. What if. And ... oh *small whimper* I couldn't bear it if .... Dare I? Should I? (right palm falls from brow and head drops exhausted onto appropriately positioned pillow.)

New Male Friend: Yes.

That was that. The cause of such majestic wuthering is that I have been asked out on a date. And. I. Said. Yes. OMG. A frickin' date. With a man. However. That little yes, a teensy, weensy three lettered unfurling of damaged wings, made me feel that somehow I was betraying Project: Life Changing. That little yes had an air of fraternising with the enemy. Who needs a man? Who wants one? Surely Project: Life Changing is about us women sticking together and not letting those life support machines for penises (or is it penii?) fuck up our lives anymore...

New Male Friend: (Quietly) Ahem.

Ahem? Ah. Because it's not just men that fuck up women's lives and break hearts. Women fuck up and break hearts too. Project: Life Changing is helping me un-fuck my life after the mixed up sadness, guilt, bitterness, anger and self-loathing that ensued following Him Formerly's BUA. It is about recognising my mistakes and coming to terms with my fallibility. About accepting Him Formerly's mistakes and coming to terms with his fallibility. It is about thinking and laughing and crying and doing and teasing and joking. And realising that the world doesn't come to an end when a relationship does.

Project: Life Changing is not about denial. Not about denying myself life. Not about denying myself laughter. And, for a romantic, wuthering soul such as mine, it is certainly not about denying myself the right to love or be loved.

New Male Friend says Ahem to that.

Yours in hope & fear, AJ x