Hoofs per minute

Day three and I am exhausted. As will become evident, not as a result of the quality or quantity of blogging activity. Slept without human company last night (Bear was out prepping for a hangover) but was kept company by the Black Labradors. I haven't yet introduced them properly but suffice to say they are my babies. Or BeeBees. Or BBGs (BaBy Girls). I used to be a little embarrassed confessing to regarding them as such - and I know Caesar Milan might not approve - but having watched Horizon: The Secret Life of Dogs, my feelings have been somewhat legitimised. I discovered that when I am with my dogs my flow of oxytocin (the oft called 'cuddle chemical') increases. And it's the same stuff that new mothers produce in large quantities to help them bond with their nowhere-nearly-as-cute-looking-as-a-puppy-so-extra-boost-required newborn. In fact, such is the strength of this new found legitimacy I have even persuaded my Aunt to include them on her birthday calendar. August 17 for the rest of you.

Anyway, I digress. Actually I habitually digress in my head, one thought always leading to another. Sometimes it's under control and sometimes, like today, it's out of control. And that is tiring in itself. And tiresome. I recall my first love telling me that when it comes to your own mind, you are at once the horse and the rider. Well today's ruddy hoss and jockey have been taking the proverbial. I'm too tired to Google how horse speed is measured, horsepower or hoofs per minute or lengths per hour or whatever. But it's been too frickin' fast for my liking today. And I think the jockey must have fucked off to the bar in between races because every now and again it was as if she returned a bit sozzled and a bit weepy, managed to slowed down her hoss, but in a bit of girly and not very in control manner.

On another day I might be able to manage this scenario, after all, I have had plenty of experience in recent months. But it followed a BBG wake up call deciding that 5:40 am was a perfectly reasonable time for a walk. So you see, simultaneously managing Project: Life Changing and what feels like life disintegrating is bloody hard work. And if that's not enough I am also trying to stay positive.

All I know is that I am positively shattered.

In hope and fear, AJ xxx