Boo! (AJ chuckles to self). Bet you didn't see that coming. But hey, absence makes the heart grow fonder ... evidenced by the fact that Mr TGTBT is perilously close to being accorded the status of demi-God through the geographic/domestic/employment induced absences that are currently an inevitable part and parcel of our relationship. Well. That and his gobsmackingly endless loveliness. And on that nauseatingly enamoured note, I'll move on. But. Talking of nausea....
The tears, snot and nausea stages which Mr TGTBT promised me are now, today, coming to an end. It is a welcome end, albeit to the most curiously painful yet awe-inspiring chapter of my life. One that in retrospect I have enjoyed immensely and in some perverse way will actually be sad to say goodbye to.
Yes. You did read that right. I have enjoyed it. I know as a rule I am pretty down on hindsight, but, coupled with a few tricks picked up from years of working with PR types, it does enhance my ability to put a positive spin on just about anything. Eventually. And getting there - however eventually that may be - is all that matters.
Right now I am feeling terribly proud of me and my eventualiness. I did it. That is me, with a capital 'I'. I have hurt, I have been comforted, I have been given advice, I have listened, I have taken three steps forward, I have taken five steps back, I have sometimes paused. I have kept walking. I have sometimes been blind-sided, I have opened my eyes, I have looked around me, I have searched inside myself. I have turned my back on some things and I have faced the inevitable. Above all, I have learned.
I learned that none of us can ever actually stop learning. We just do so either willingly or unwillingly. Every experience in life - be it good, bad or just downright ugly - is a just a little box of learning, delivered to us at times in our life when we may have ceased to think we need it. I was delivered a whole stack of little learning boxes in one go and my initial reaction was to mark them 'address unknown, return to sender'. 'Twould seem, however, that curiosity got the better of me.
I opened up my boxes and before I knew what had happened was caught up in a desperate and feverish frenzy of swotting. I instinctively knew there was a lesson to be learned and yet couldn't seem to work it out. I was willing, so I thought, but not able. I would be elated to make sense of part of the lesson only to be bought back down to earth with a nasty bump on discovering it didn't fit with the rest of the curriculum.
After much elation and many bumps, slowly, surely - and eventually - it began to make sense. This was no hum-drum curriculum, it was far, far more important. The course I was delivered for 2010 was a key module in my curriculum vitae, my course of life.
Life of course is the greatest of all teachers, endlessly handing out the the most curiously painful yet awe-inspiring lessons we could ever hope to learn from. And like a right little teacher's pet, I am going to keep swotting.
Yours in hope & fear, AJ x
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