Good morning. It's 7.30 am on World Cup Saturday and the sun isn't quite shining but the birds are singing. And the birds sing so beautifully before the traffic and the people and the general business of daily life takes over.
I just want to encourage you all to make time for an early morning sometime soon. Sit in the garden or on your balcony or even by an open window and just listen. If you listen carefully enough you just might hear your heart sing along with the birdsong.
Yours in hope and fear, AJ x
Saturday, 12 June 2010
Friday, 11 June 2010
A Juicy Hue
Rumour has it that H is bored with seeing Crockabillies as the latest post. I concur. So if anyone out there has some useful copy for my blog then feel free to send it over. It will serve as back up for the days when I am so busy with my tasks that I seem to leave no time to blog. Which quite frankly isn't good enough and as H pointed out today, I don't want to flake out on Project: Life Changing just at the point it is getting interesting. Well, for those who are interested anyway. So, status updates:
Learning to Drive - No news. Well. Not much. Have decided to go for manual option (reserving the right to switch to automatic if it transpires I am totally crap at clutch work). No provisional licence in post yet. But then I haven't had any bills either, so that's good. And will be off to BSM in the next week or so to have a little play on their driving simulator as Mario Kart on the Wii isn't up to the job.
Getting Thinner - Thinking thin is working, despite the celebratory indulgence of two glasses of wine and half a bag of paprika ribble chips. I am now down to 13 stone 10lbs. OK, so perhaps without the indulgence I may have made it 13 stone 9lbs, but I''ll just think a little harder over the weekend to make up for it
Being Terribly Naughty - Indeed. So naughty I can barely recall the last time I had any good thoughts. I appreciate this endeavour may not make much sense to anyone who has joined in part way through this blog, so I'll have to refer you to my earlier posts. Start at the beginning would be my suggestion.
Considering a Career - Oh yes. Well and truly. Had my last official day in the office today and wow it felt good. It felt good like a whole heap of crap sliding off my shoulders. Ok, so there was a tearful moment or two at the goodbye stage as it was certainly my favouritest job to date and with the best cast of characters I have ever had the joy to work with. But I can sneak back in now and again (with cake) when Mr Button is off being strategic. Or shaving.
Getting Out More - Big up to me for this one. Big up to you know who you are for helping out. Pubs, walks with the dogs, coffees, lunches, gigs, shopping, hanging out and making 'phone calls to arrange stuff. Even a little overseas trip in the offing. Which will involve a plane. Erm. Gulp.
Now I think I can safely say, things are progressing well. Just have to keep up the momentum. But I am going to allow myself a week or two of R&R as I can honestly say I haven't felt this happy inside for ... well, perhaps a year or two. I am genuinely excited about what is to come and yet only a week or two ago I couldn't imagine feeling any kind of happiness again.
Things aren't exactly peachy, but there is something tantalising about what the future might hold. And whilst said future might not be as orange as I would like, from where I am today it's definitely looking brighter.
Yours in hope and fear, AJ x
Learning to Drive - No news. Well. Not much. Have decided to go for manual option (reserving the right to switch to automatic if it transpires I am totally crap at clutch work). No provisional licence in post yet. But then I haven't had any bills either, so that's good. And will be off to BSM in the next week or so to have a little play on their driving simulator as Mario Kart on the Wii isn't up to the job.
Getting Thinner - Thinking thin is working, despite the celebratory indulgence of two glasses of wine and half a bag of paprika ribble chips. I am now down to 13 stone 10lbs. OK, so perhaps without the indulgence I may have made it 13 stone 9lbs, but I''ll just think a little harder over the weekend to make up for it
Being Terribly Naughty - Indeed. So naughty I can barely recall the last time I had any good thoughts. I appreciate this endeavour may not make much sense to anyone who has joined in part way through this blog, so I'll have to refer you to my earlier posts. Start at the beginning would be my suggestion.
Considering a Career - Oh yes. Well and truly. Had my last official day in the office today and wow it felt good. It felt good like a whole heap of crap sliding off my shoulders. Ok, so there was a tearful moment or two at the goodbye stage as it was certainly my favouritest job to date and with the best cast of characters I have ever had the joy to work with. But I can sneak back in now and again (with cake) when Mr Button is off being strategic. Or shaving.
Getting Out More - Big up to me for this one. Big up to you know who you are for helping out. Pubs, walks with the dogs, coffees, lunches, gigs, shopping, hanging out and making 'phone calls to arrange stuff. Even a little overseas trip in the offing. Which will involve a plane. Erm. Gulp.
Now I think I can safely say, things are progressing well. Just have to keep up the momentum. But I am going to allow myself a week or two of R&R as I can honestly say I haven't felt this happy inside for ... well, perhaps a year or two. I am genuinely excited about what is to come and yet only a week or two ago I couldn't imagine feeling any kind of happiness again.
Things aren't exactly peachy, but there is something tantalising about what the future might hold. And whilst said future might not be as orange as I would like, from where I am today it's definitely looking brighter.
Yours in hope and fear, AJ x
Saturday, 5 June 2010
Crockabillies
Slightly ashamed that barely a couple of weeks of blogging has gone by and I have already missed a day. But that is a good thing because it means I have been focusing on one of my other life changing policies, Getting Out More.
Until I hit the brink I hadn't realised quite how dark the place I had got to was. It was only seeing the terrible effect it had on Bear that made me see just how heavy those dark clouds had become. A sort of Epiphany moment dawned and I understand now that one person can't make you happy if you are not happy within yourself. For too long I had wanted Bear to make me happy and he floundered - as would most people - under the impossibility of the task.
Fortunately, despite what now appears to have been a self-imposed moratorium on happiness, I am beginning to appreciate that if I feel happier with myself then others can enjoy my happiness too. And that first step back to a happy place has been taken by saying 'yes' instead of 'no' Which is ok as I am NOT Samantha, despite what Little Blister might think.
So on Friday I said 'yes' to a viewing of SATC at Harbour Lights with H. And on Saturday I said 'yes' to a rocking night out at the Soul Cellar. And, despite feeling a little blurry round the edges, it was following a 'yes' to the Sunday walk with the BBGs, Zoom-Zooms (BBGs English Bull Terrier buddy) and Pete (Zoom-Zooms' English Bull Human, my buddy) that he mentioned the phrase 'Crockabilly'. Homage to the forty-somethings that still enjoy bouncing, bobbing or just plain old foot-tapping to a certain style of sound.
So last night, with a few Smirnoff Ice's under my new belt, I took the plunge and and aimed for a great night out. Not quite a bullseye shot as I couldn't help missing the Bear, but boy did the Black Cat Boppers rock and Mr de La-Loi croon. And I nearly sprained my ankle trying to foot-tap with boots that kept sticking to the beer soaked floor. I laughed a lot too. Which felt unusual.
Now in future perhaps, when the dark clouds look set to gather, I can remind myself that even when your heart is heavy it's worth saying 'yes'. Especially to night out with the Crockabillies.
Yours in hope and fear, AJ x
Until I hit the brink I hadn't realised quite how dark the place I had got to was. It was only seeing the terrible effect it had on Bear that made me see just how heavy those dark clouds had become. A sort of Epiphany moment dawned and I understand now that one person can't make you happy if you are not happy within yourself. For too long I had wanted Bear to make me happy and he floundered - as would most people - under the impossibility of the task.
Fortunately, despite what now appears to have been a self-imposed moratorium on happiness, I am beginning to appreciate that if I feel happier with myself then others can enjoy my happiness too. And that first step back to a happy place has been taken by saying 'yes' instead of 'no' Which is ok as I am NOT Samantha, despite what Little Blister might think.
So on Friday I said 'yes' to a viewing of SATC at Harbour Lights with H. And on Saturday I said 'yes' to a rocking night out at the Soul Cellar. And, despite feeling a little blurry round the edges, it was following a 'yes' to the Sunday walk with the BBGs, Zoom-Zooms (BBGs English Bull Terrier buddy) and Pete (Zoom-Zooms' English Bull Human, my buddy) that he mentioned the phrase 'Crockabilly'. Homage to the forty-somethings that still enjoy bouncing, bobbing or just plain old foot-tapping to a certain style of sound.
So last night, with a few Smirnoff Ice's under my new belt, I took the plunge and and aimed for a great night out. Not quite a bullseye shot as I couldn't help missing the Bear, but boy did the Black Cat Boppers rock and Mr de La-Loi croon. And I nearly sprained my ankle trying to foot-tap with boots that kept sticking to the beer soaked floor. I laughed a lot too. Which felt unusual.
Now in future perhaps, when the dark clouds look set to gather, I can remind myself that even when your heart is heavy it's worth saying 'yes'. Especially to night out with the Crockabillies.
Yours in hope and fear, AJ x
Thursday, 3 June 2010
Manifestations
Recalling the Boots advert from one New Year campaign or other, some of you may be concerned that I am taking too much on at once. And some of you might not care. But just to be clear, I'm not.
What I am doing is putting my wish list, my goals, my targets or whatever you like to call them in a place where they can remind me daily of what I want to achieve. The trouble with me in the past is that the wish list has stayed in my head and therefore been subjected to that drunken jockey I referred to in an earlier post. Which has resulted in things becoming, well, befuddled. By putting the wishes out into the real world they will hopefully become more manifest and I will be able to look on them admiringly as they do their thing and give me the courage to admire myself for taking on the challenge. And that makes me feel good.
So, to add to the list (currently consisting of Learning to Drive, Getting Thinner, Being Terribly Naughty) today I am presenting you with Considering a Career. This is a thinly veiled reference to getting a job. I haven't made a decision on what to do next and need to start giving it some serious consideration as I do currently have a job but am due to be made redundant on 3 August. I am not going gently into that good place (despite pompous ass dog walker today saying he once had the option to challenge redundancy but felt it was 'more appropriate to get on with his life'. Pfft.) but am not able to elaborate at present due to secret stuff, which blogs aren't very good for. But. I do have some considerations for the future up my sleeve and when they start to manifest I can share them.
For now I just need the wish out there. As I said.
Yours in hope and fear, AJ x
What I am doing is putting my wish list, my goals, my targets or whatever you like to call them in a place where they can remind me daily of what I want to achieve. The trouble with me in the past is that the wish list has stayed in my head and therefore been subjected to that drunken jockey I referred to in an earlier post. Which has resulted in things becoming, well, befuddled. By putting the wishes out into the real world they will hopefully become more manifest and I will be able to look on them admiringly as they do their thing and give me the courage to admire myself for taking on the challenge. And that makes me feel good.
So, to add to the list (currently consisting of Learning to Drive, Getting Thinner, Being Terribly Naughty) today I am presenting you with Considering a Career. This is a thinly veiled reference to getting a job. I haven't made a decision on what to do next and need to start giving it some serious consideration as I do currently have a job but am due to be made redundant on 3 August. I am not going gently into that good place (despite pompous ass dog walker today saying he once had the option to challenge redundancy but felt it was 'more appropriate to get on with his life'. Pfft.) but am not able to elaborate at present due to secret stuff, which blogs aren't very good for. But. I do have some considerations for the future up my sleeve and when they start to manifest I can share them.
For now I just need the wish out there. As I said.
Yours in hope and fear, AJ x
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
Confession
I have avoided discussing too much Bear stuff . Too difficult and very painful for the most part. But despite having a feeling that the sisterhood might disapprove, I am also doing all these things to show him that I can. Because - and we can laugh about this later if/when I get bitter and twisted - he has been good to me (even if his event schedule for BUA could have been better and a tad more dialogue than monologue). And I think he deserves a little of the the best of me and not just the worst.
So, big up for Project: Life Changing ... and Bear letting me share it with him.
Yours in hope and fear, AJ x
So, big up for Project: Life Changing ... and Bear letting me share it with him.
Yours in hope and fear, AJ x
Tuesday, 1 June 2010
Nanimals
I have been blogging for some days now and have referenced various life forms. Here, for those of you not in the know, is a run down of the key four-legged ones:
Black Labradors - aka BeeBees because when they were newborns and huddled together in their litter, they buzzed, like bees. aka BBGS which stands for BaBy Girls. Individually the Black Labradors comprise:
Lily (posh name: Helenstev Black Pudding) - who is also know as Lilian, Bob, Billy Bob or Billy. She doesn't appear to find this in the least confusing, not least because she couldn't be arsed to. Lily is Mum to:
Twinkle ( posh name: So Little, So Loved) - name derives from her being the smallest of Lily's litter at a mere 8oz at birth. A little star for fighting so hard to stay with us. She is no longer the smallest and is more commonly referred to as Rock Star, Twinks or Rinky. Occasionally also ALF, (as in Alien Life Form) due to her charming but odd looking face when a youngster and her current behaviour that still leans towards the 'little bit special' end of the spectrum. Sister to:
Daisy (posh name: Talgoree Greengage) - Daisy is the resident hooligan. If there's trouble to be had, she's your girl. Also know as Doozy, The Doo and Doodlebug, the latter being more or less an accurate description. The small difference being that according to Wikipedia, the V-1 flying bomb is classified as a guided missile. The Doo on the other hand is more adept at the misguided approach.
Tizzy - aka Twizzle. Bear's cat. Pointless pet but very pretty to look at.
Big Boy - This is the name I use for Presley (posh name: HillBilly Boulton Plum) one of Lily's other pups and now owned by my sister. He is big. Well, actually, mahoosive. And a boy. And I need to persuade Caesar Milan to train my sister as Big Boy is only a smidge better behaved than Ginger Cat.
Ginger Cat - My name for the non-Labrador also owned by my sister who maintains she bought a Cocker Spaniel. I put to you that the evidence displayed by non-Labrador's listening skills and general obedience would suggest it is in fact a Ginger Cat. Also known as Pebbles or Puffles.
Bear Cat - Not to be confused with Bear (or Bear's cat come to that, take note of the apostrophes and capital letters). Bear Cat was a gift from me and Bear to my niece, Munchie, on her 9th birthday. On opening the big silver box the ball of fluffy, black kitten had been placed in (only for a few minutes I hasten to add) Munchie promptly burst in to tears, woefully declaring she was too young for such a big responsibility. Lucky for her she lived with her Mum then.
And there you have it. Pets have had starring roles in my family life from as far back as I can remember. Be they those of my grandparents, aunts, uncles or immediate family they have been the source of much fun, love and laughter. They have entertained and consoled us, given us a treasure trove of happy memories and amusing anecdotes and in more ways than I care to mention enriched our lives with their unfailing loyalty and devotion. And yes, that even includes the cats. I only hope we have given them at least half of what they gave to us and I look forward to seeing every one of them again when my time comes to take that walk over Rainbow Bridge.
Yours in hope and fear, AJ x
Black Labradors - aka BeeBees because when they were newborns and huddled together in their litter, they buzzed, like bees. aka BBGS which stands for BaBy Girls. Individually the Black Labradors comprise:
Lily (posh name: Helenstev Black Pudding) - who is also know as Lilian, Bob, Billy Bob or Billy. She doesn't appear to find this in the least confusing, not least because she couldn't be arsed to. Lily is Mum to:
Twinkle ( posh name: So Little, So Loved) - name derives from her being the smallest of Lily's litter at a mere 8oz at birth. A little star for fighting so hard to stay with us. She is no longer the smallest and is more commonly referred to as Rock Star, Twinks or Rinky. Occasionally also ALF, (as in Alien Life Form) due to her charming but odd looking face when a youngster and her current behaviour that still leans towards the 'little bit special' end of the spectrum. Sister to:
Daisy (posh name: Talgoree Greengage) - Daisy is the resident hooligan. If there's trouble to be had, she's your girl. Also know as Doozy, The Doo and Doodlebug, the latter being more or less an accurate description. The small difference being that according to Wikipedia, the V-1 flying bomb is classified as a guided missile. The Doo on the other hand is more adept at the misguided approach.
Tizzy - aka Twizzle. Bear's cat. Pointless pet but very pretty to look at.
Big Boy - This is the name I use for Presley (posh name: HillBilly Boulton Plum) one of Lily's other pups and now owned by my sister. He is big. Well, actually, mahoosive. And a boy. And I need to persuade Caesar Milan to train my sister as Big Boy is only a smidge better behaved than Ginger Cat.
Ginger Cat - My name for the non-Labrador also owned by my sister who maintains she bought a Cocker Spaniel. I put to you that the evidence displayed by non-Labrador's listening skills and general obedience would suggest it is in fact a Ginger Cat. Also known as Pebbles or Puffles.
Bear Cat - Not to be confused with Bear (or Bear's cat come to that, take note of the apostrophes and capital letters). Bear Cat was a gift from me and Bear to my niece, Munchie, on her 9th birthday. On opening the big silver box the ball of fluffy, black kitten had been placed in (only for a few minutes I hasten to add) Munchie promptly burst in to tears, woefully declaring she was too young for such a big responsibility. Lucky for her she lived with her Mum then.
And there you have it. Pets have had starring roles in my family life from as far back as I can remember. Be they those of my grandparents, aunts, uncles or immediate family they have been the source of much fun, love and laughter. They have entertained and consoled us, given us a treasure trove of happy memories and amusing anecdotes and in more ways than I care to mention enriched our lives with their unfailing loyalty and devotion. And yes, that even includes the cats. I only hope we have given them at least half of what they gave to us and I look forward to seeing every one of them again when my time comes to take that walk over Rainbow Bridge.
Yours in hope and fear, AJ x
Progress Report
Just a few status updates for Project: Life Changing today, if only to remind me that is what I am doing at a point when much of it feels like swimming in mud.
Learning to Drive
Awaiting new provisional licence so looking forward to the post everyday. And today I was also specially selected to win £16, 479. Which is nice.
Getting Thinner
A bit of a yay day on this one as I have dropped a bag of sugar and now weigh in at 13 stone 12lbs.
Being Terribly Naughty
I think today qualifies as a success as I did get up and did take the dogs for a walk, in the rain, even though I ended up hiding in the bushes, sobbing uncontrollably and waving my mobile about trying to pick up a signal for emergency call to Little Blister. When she managed to squish a word or two in between my choked sobs, Little Blister pointed out that it was a positive thing. I was at least outside walking the dogs whilst crying and not at home in bed. So it's progress apparently.
Oh, and I also regained a little courage in dealing with birthday boy Bear today and suggested he might like to just accept his birthday gifts gracefully. He found it surprising that family and friends still treated him as they have before and I pointed out that not everyone has the talent for closing down relationships and emotions like a Terminator being taken offline. Was a little scared in mentioning it in case it made him hate me even more. And then I realised that wasn't actually possible so it technically didn't matter.
And finally
Big up to Chandi the dancing dog for a gorgeous performance on tonights Britain's Got Talent that bought more tears to my eyes. But tears of some kind of joy at that kind of devotion. Dogs is best.
Yours in hope and fear, AJ x
Learning to Drive
Awaiting new provisional licence so looking forward to the post everyday. And today I was also specially selected to win £16, 479. Which is nice.
Getting Thinner
A bit of a yay day on this one as I have dropped a bag of sugar and now weigh in at 13 stone 12lbs.
Being Terribly Naughty
I think today qualifies as a success as I did get up and did take the dogs for a walk, in the rain, even though I ended up hiding in the bushes, sobbing uncontrollably and waving my mobile about trying to pick up a signal for emergency call to Little Blister. When she managed to squish a word or two in between my choked sobs, Little Blister pointed out that it was a positive thing. I was at least outside walking the dogs whilst crying and not at home in bed. So it's progress apparently.
Oh, and I also regained a little courage in dealing with birthday boy Bear today and suggested he might like to just accept his birthday gifts gracefully. He found it surprising that family and friends still treated him as they have before and I pointed out that not everyone has the talent for closing down relationships and emotions like a Terminator being taken offline. Was a little scared in mentioning it in case it made him hate me even more. And then I realised that wasn't actually possible so it technically didn't matter.
And finally
Big up to Chandi the dancing dog for a gorgeous performance on tonights Britain's Got Talent that bought more tears to my eyes. But tears of some kind of joy at that kind of devotion. Dogs is best.
Yours in hope and fear, AJ x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)