Soapy Stuff

So yesterday it was established that I have a new Love Bubble. A brand spanking new, teflon coated shiny, sparkly Love Bubble of the bigger, better, faster more variety. My 21st century bubble. The Him Formerly bubble is sooo last century dahling. And it's squished. Gone.

Now call me fickle if you like, but there is fundamentally nothing wrong in squishing bubbles. Only I would recommend you do go for the quick, firm stamp at the appropriate time rather than cowardly swiping at the bubble with a cheese slice for days, months or even years on end. Him Formerly went down that route but he failed to destroy my bubble with his first feeble swipe. And indeed his second, his third and so on and so fourth, fifth, sixth ... to the point at which I lost count. Stopped counting.

I just kept patching up my bubble, trying to ignore the pain in the hope it would go away. Because I was committed to my bubble, for better or worse. And with no other experience to draw upon I merely concluded that his swiping was the worse and I was duty bound to stick with it. Never minding that loving someone shouldn't be a duty, I dutifully stuck with it. For far too long.

Because crouching behind my sense of duty, trying to look as small as possible so no-one would ever notice it, was my fear. My fear of being alone. My fear of never finding anyone who would love me even the small amount I was desperately scraping off the remains of my sorry looking bubble. And my horriblest fear of all ... that I just didn't have any more love left to give anyone else. That I had run out of love and my bubble making days were over.

Now. Has anyone else ever noticed how fear makes you stupid?

The human capacity for love is endless. Limitless. People don't run out of love. They might lose the courage to do so, they might even lose the desire to do so, but the capacity remains. Lucky for me that when it comes to affairs of the heart my courage and desire far outweighs my fear. When push comes to bubbles, that pulsing little handful is fearless.

So. As I said. I have a new Love Bubble. And in the best tradition of all new soap sud campaigns, it is not just new but very much improved. Because this bubble I am sharing with Mr TGTBT, and sharing fearlessly. I'm not stupid enough to miss out on an opportunity like that.

Yours in hope & fear, AJ x